Deep Breath

Take a deep breath
Close your eyes
Suck like it’s the last dying breath
of a stranger.

I wish I could convince myself of what I feel. I’m so unsure of everything, I just want this to all be over. There’s so much I want to do with my life, so many places to see. So many bridges to cross. So many storms to battle.

But refuse to fight it.

Fight for it?

That’s another story.

I’m such a determined person that when I don’t get what I want sometimes the world stops for a while. I’m convinced I’m putting too much thought into this, especially next year.

For all I know, I could be living in Saratoga Springs next year.

I want it. I’m not allowed to say what I want, but if there is ONE thing I’m sure of it’s that I want this. I thrive on responsibility. I want it so bad.

I also want to be in St. Louis. Obviously I’m not.

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