I write to inanimate things.

Dear Legs,

This morning you yelled at me. I know that I hurt you, but you have to understand. Someday, when I’m old and arthritic, you”ll understand why I did what did. Don’t give up on me yet. I still need you for many more kick-boxing classes.

Dear H key,

It really annoying how you keep falling off my laptop keyboard, making alf my sentences look like tis.

Dear Stats,

I probably shouldn’t judge too quickly, but patience was never my strong point.
I hate you.

Dear Travel Network/Food Channel,

You make me hungry. All the time. Out of respect for my legs (see above) I should probably should avoid you at all costs. However, you’re allurement never ceases to amaze me.

Dear 3-4 people this week who have been amazed that I can survive without Facebook,

I have a phone to talk and legs to walk. Also a car. This ensures I can see or talk to almost anybody I want to. Crazy concept, I know.

Dear Sleep,

I love you and miss you. The fling we  had over Christmas break was wonderful, but these things can’t last forever, babe. I have dice games to play and papers to write. Sometimes you just have to come second. Please understand.

Dear LOLcatz,

Someday when I’m an counted in the ranks of unemployment because my journalism and english degrees aren’t enough to compete, I’ll come for you. Look, there are job openings. http://jobs.cheezburger.com/. Plus, who wouldn’t want to work for a company named after a small slab of misspelled meat?

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