If only I had known these things when I had glasses and zits.

I used to laugh at my parental figures when they said things like:

“Someday, you’ll understand.”

“You’ll know what I go through when you have kids of your own.”

“Just wait until you’re married, with a house, a dog you don’t like, and a dozen children.”

Rolling in stupidity, I would force my eyes into the back of my head and groan. Because apparently that’s a knee jerk reaction at 15 years old. They would give me the look, you know the “we should lock this child in a room until she’s 25”, and I would walk away, enlarged ego and all.

Nearly 5 years later, I have come to a frightening conclusion.

I KNOW NOTHING.

and…

Even if I get married, have 19 children and 37 pets, I will still know NOTHING.

Because I am not my parents. They are soooooo much smarter than me. 

It’s kind of a humbling thought. Seeing as though Mom day has passed, and Pop’s day is Sunday, I’ve been thinking a lot about my these people who have put up with me for so long. They’ve taught me everything I know, and then some. So now, I’ll share.

1. You really don’t need to share.


Remember these? There was a cute little boy named Logan in my 1st grade class. He let me use his Mr. Sketch markers that smelled like rotting fruit. Pretty soon markers turned into spelling tests and spelling tests turned into water bottles. I don’t remember my mother’s face when I casually told her that I was drinking out of some other kid’s water bottle, but I’m sure it looked about like THIS. There are a thousand worse things I could have done, but my family doesn’t like germs. Nobody really LIKES germs, but we’re slight germaphobes. I learned fast. When other girls would share hair brushes, fake blush, and gum I stayed far away. I still remember this mutual night when I was probably 13 years old. There were two girls sharing a sucker, and the germaphobe in me wanted to yank the sugar grown substance from between their teeth and send them to a dentist to get their  mouths sanitized. Nasty.

2. Tip. And when in doubt, tip more
“Most waiters and waitresses don’t even make minimum wage,” they would tell me over and over. I can’t count the number of times I would see my father slip a large bill on the table as we were leaving. It’s just something you do.

3. The cool kids will work at McDonald’s someday.
Okay, not all of the cool kids are going to have careers in fast food. I’m sure some will be CEOs and world famous athletes too. But really…I had to learn really fast that there were only two opinions of me that mattered. God’s and mine. Once I figured that out, the self-esteem thing was a breeze.

4.When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean.-Lin-Chi
Too much of anything makes that thing a lot less valuable. I try to be cautious with my time. It took me until college to realize how much “me” time I needed. In high school, if I ever honestly needed a day of school off I would ask my Mom. She always let me make the choice. I think that if she had put her foot down, there would have been a lot more sluffing. Or sleeping in my car. 


5. Go to bed before midnight
At school when my friends were discovering their ability to stay up all night, I was asleep. Not because I couldn’t pull an all-nighter, but because I didn’t want to. Not having a curfew in high school taught me a lot faster than having one. Not that I suggest that to most teenagers, but I was an odd ball. I realized that if you stayed out until 3:00 a.m., you could expect a really big headache when you had to get up at 7:00 for work. I admit, I slept through some momentous events this year. But…for the most part I wasn’t tired. How many college students can say that?

6. Don’t buy it.
That furby. The Hello Kitty handbag. That $35 Hollister shirt. Lunch hour at the Crazy Buffet. Before I buy anything, I have a nice little discussion with myself. I give it the test.

Will this item….

a) End up shoved in the back of the closet
b)Not look good on me, because really. Only 1% of people in the world have hips that small.
c)Require Pepto-Bismal

If you have picked a, b, or c, run away.

My parents are fountains of knowledge, Seriously.

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2 thoughts on “If only I had known these things when I had glasses and zits.

  1. Allee, You are my favorite writer ever. I love how you can find a life lesson in such simple situations. It amazes me. Someday I hope to be as cool as you 🙂

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