not-an-epiphany

They say it ain’t over ’til the fat lady sings.
If that’s true, a 450 pound woman just sang me an opera.

 I’ve always loved Esther. Every time I read her story, I learn something new about being.
A woman of faith.
A light to her people.
The preservation of what would become a small babe wrapped in a manger that would save the world.
Being the wife of King Ahasuerus would be no small feat. It layman’s terms, she did what she needed to do. Seriously. I would not want to be married to a guy that “deposed” of his last wife. No way Jose.

That’s a strong woman. A woman that let God mold her. She saw the bigger picture.

 I don’t know exactly who I want to be. If I did, there would be little point to living. All I know is that there are hands in my life, creating and pushing and teaching me to be.

Being is harder than it sounds. It’s easy to float along a river of ease, avoiding rapids and rocks. It’s the easiest thing in the world to sit in the warmth of covers and sleep through life. It’s easy to go to school everyday and sit like a deadbeat in classes, only to leave an hour later with nothing learned. It’s easy to avoid feeling hard things.

I’m a mover. I’m not good at sitting in one place for long. Plus, as soon as I get comfortable I tend to get kicked in the butt. Or tasered. Just depends on the week.

 In my rushed life, I think I occasionally forget to sit still long enough to let my heart open. To belly laugh. To hug. To cry until I’m out of tears. It’s in those moments that I see myself with real potential, not just a fleck of dust floating haphazardly waiting to land on Skippy the dog.

Basically, this overdrawn and nonsensical post means this:

I’m glad I can constantly be growing. And not like the mold sitting in that old tuna in the fridge. As my heart is tried, I feel myself going places that I never thought I could reach. Exponential growth, I think they call it.

I know you’re probably sick of reading about my gratitude, because it doesn’t make for the most exciting post. But seriously.
I have it all.
The world is in my hands.
[Insert evil laugh here]

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